The Girl I Fell in Love With

I’d never seen her in a dress that color. And I never imagined that we’d be here today either. I looked at her, gorgeous as ever. As she peered out the window, elegantly looking out at the dwarf like figures below us. “How’ve you been?”, I asked to start off the conversation, ending the awkward silence that separation had created amongst us. “Same old, same old”, she responded, though I’d find out later that it wasn’t.

The waiter came up to the table, asked us what we wanted, and almost instantly, “The Lasagna please, with one pinch of salt and two of chili flakes” we said in unison. Both of us smiled, looked at each other, and then back down at our phones. The waiter came back again though, this time to take our order for drinks. “Should I bring you the usual?”, he enquired hesitantly. Just as I was about to give him the go-ahead though, she intervened. “I don’t drink your precious strawberry banana milkshakes anymore. We’re twenty-nine for Pete’s Sake. Enjoy yourself, grab a beer” she said nonchalantly. I was taken aback. Amazed, yet hurt agonizingly, somewhere.

But I forgot about almost immediately, as if it didn’t matter anymore. “How’s discovering the ocean?” I asked, referring to her lifelong dream of becoming a marine biologist, and of course, swiveling the course of conversation to another hemisphere. “Oh, I don’t”, she said boldly. “I’m working at Chevron now and life couldn’t get better. The healthcare benefits, the business class tickets and the comprehensive retirement benefits plan, life’s all set man” she said sipping her beer the waiter had brought in earlier.

Appalled, I asked her, “When’d you start feeling this way? I thought you’d always wanted to save the ocean, protect the earth, promote sustainability. What happened to that Justine? The Justine who’d go out of her way to protect the stranded duckling, the Justine who’d persuade higher authorities to enforce recycling. Where did that Justine disappear to?” “That Justine, she’s no more Patty”, she replied. “Saving the world, protecting the oceans, that was a great dream. But I have a rent to pay, I need to support my parents. We’re grownups now Patty. We can’t go around living lives based on sheer ambition. There’s a thick line in between called reality.”

“Gosh you’re serious, aren’t you?”, I exclaimed. “How would college you, or even you five years ago respond to what you’re saying right now Justine?”, I asked with tears dwelling up in my eyes. “Honestly Patty, me five years ago, I would’ve ended up saying something obtrusive and something pseudo intellectual. We all change Patty. Maybe you haven’t yet. We don’t Instagram pictures of our first pizza and take a snap of an empty plate, or car surf for that matter anymore. And I’m okay with that. I know, what I say next might sound offensive, but you need to stop being so oversensitive and fragile. We aren’t fifteen anymore.”

I was broken. I couldn’t believe she was saying this. “Where did your passion go to Justine?” I asked her, holding back tears, frustrated. She’d changed. Thoroughly. “They haven’t gone anywhere Patty. Try and understand. Put yourself in my shoes. We’re not in college anymore. We have mortgage to pay. We can’t go around pretending we are people we once used to be. That’s not how the world works. “Oh, so now you know the ways of this screwed up world all of a sudden Justine? You want to know what I have been so frustrated about?”, I asked shocked. I continued, “Tell me you’ll go back to the way you were before. The passionate, courageous Justine. Tell me she’s right around the corner.” I hoped she was, but boy can hope be disheartening.

“Yes, tell me”, she said boldly. “I can face the truth.” Cornered, I braced myself for the worst. “Justine, why can't you go back to who you we're before?”, I said looking away, pulling my chair, sitting back down, but avoiding looking at her directly. “What I say next will hurt but I know you'll be able to bear it”, I said with a heavy heart. “You asked me what I want from you Justine, nothing much. Just one thing.” Taking a deep breath, I said, “Fifteen years ago, I fell in love. I was smitten. I saw this beautiful girl holding a signboard saying '#OCEAN4LIFE' standing outside the principal's office protesting with a group of students to change the school diet plan and encourage recycling.” I swore on that day, that I'd marry you. “Here I am Justine, fifteen years later narrating my thoughts, older than a decade to you. And they haven't wavered for a second. Never once did I have second thoughts. All I ask of you thus, is one small thing. One request. Fifteen years ago, I fell in love. With a beautiful girl. Inside and out. I ask one thing of you Justine. I want you to be the girl I fell in love with.”

There, I'd said it.